This UCLA Professor Says She Can Stop Shohei From Getting Injured
Prof. Noel Hearn teaches the Alexander Technique which could keep Ohtani, Clayton, and you and I, on the bump.
The great Shane Nickerson, when I pitched him the concept of this podcast, said for me to forget about strangers, that because my friends were so interesting, I should just interview them.
This episode shows what Shane was talking about.
Noel Hearn is brilliant, well-spoken, talented, committed, and kind Southern gentlewoman who I have known more than a decade. You will hear how she plays along with my silliness, but isn’t afraid to flaunt her vast vocabulary and correct me when I’m wrong.
She is a UCLA professor who teaches music and the Alexander Technique, which I learned was not invented by the founding father they based the Broadway musical after.
But jokes aside, what she knows about the body, muscles, and bones could legitimately fix the Dodgers’ injury prone pitching staff… if only they would try.
Adele, Noel says, however, might be a lost cause, sadly.
Click the play button to hear the entire conversation or keep scrolling for some highlights.
Tony Pierce: Let’s talk about Alexander Technique and why UCLA seems to embrace it.
Noel Hearn: Okay, first I need a sip of my mango beverage.
By the way, when she says, “oh, la la I’m just wearing Chucks,” — these are mustard colored hi-tops that I’ve never seen before. These looks fancy.
They’re dope as hell. I just lucked out. We were at the Converse outlet. These were clearanced. There was one pair and it was my size. They were like, $35.
So you’re a very young lady—
I am not.
— so you wouldn’t have seen this. When I first moved to LA in the ‘80s, there was a Converse outlet on Westwood Boulevard. The Village used to be the greatest spot for young people, for entertainment, and fun.
That’s what I’ve heard.
It’s a shame what it has devolved into.
What’s happened is companies have been buying up the properties, pushing the places in them out of business, and then not refilling them.
So like the Sur la Table. It’s still empty.
It’s been closed for at least three years.
I’ve heard conspiracy theories that these are overseas investors, who don’t trust their government.
So they take millions of dollars out of their banks over there, put them in real estate over here, and they don’t care if they don’t turn a profit by having empty stores because they know the value of that property continues to increase whether there are businesses in there or not.
I mean, there’s literally people pooping on the sidewalk in Westwood right now.
It’s gone into a particular state of disrepair.
And it’s a shame because lots of people work there and lots of people want to be there.
And it has this legacy of having cool places where people want to hang out. And that frickin movie theater —
Both of those frickin movie theaters.
The Fox, and across the street The Bruin.
But also let’s think about what surrounds UCLA. All around the Village, you’ve go:t Bel Air, Beverly Hills, Westwood, Brentwood, even West LA ain’t too shabby.
So it’s like you’re surrounded by this affluence and you have a dead shopping district?
Let’s move on.
So Alexander Hamilton created a way to massage people?
None of that is true.
What? Then what’s the play about?
Frederick Matthias Alexander was an actor.
Which era are we talking?
Victorian.
Your era.
You just called me a young woman and now I’m from the Victorian era?
You’re a throwback. You know you’re a throwback. Do you faint easily?
I do not… because I study Alexander Technique so my circulatory system is blammo on point.
Touche.
F.M. Alexander was an actor. He was originally from Australia, but he moved to London to make it big.
This was back before microphones and the Stanislavski method, where acting was really oratory and you had to speak without the use of electricity.
You had to project on your own. There were still like a lot of Shakespearean dramas happening.
So he noticed that by the end of every performance, he would lose his voice. It began to threaten his career. So he would go to whichever medical professionals were available at the time.
He would go on vocal rest. He would do like teas and lozenges and all the junk. Which, by the way, for anyone who is interested, that is a very, very short fix.
Vocal rest is great. Hot tea with lemon is comforting. But only for a few hours. You’re not fixing the problem. You’re treating the symptom.
Everything he tried worked for a second, and then he would get back up on stage and everything would fall apart again.
So what he did was, he bought a floor length mirror and spent 12 years watching himself in the mirror.
[Noel then teaches him some miraculous things about the body. You can hear them talk about it by clicking the play button]
This is why you believe in the Lord?
Come again?
[Jokingly] This is why you’re a born again Christian?
Because the Big Bang does not allow for this kind of magic to happen in our bodies. That’s what you taught me a long time ago.
Don’t you love it when I put words in your mouth?
I don’t.
This is why I believe in the Lord. All of what you just told me seems like magic to me. Like an accident in space doesn’t add up to such a glorious thing like the human body.
So, accidents do happen. That’s why I’m sitting in front of you with orange hair.
That’s an accident?
Yes, that’s a genetic mutation.
Isn’t it just: a bunch of orange-haired people got it on?
No, there are orange-haired people in every livable continent. Going back for as long as recorded history.
There’s Asian orange-haired people?
There are naturally red-haired Asian people.
Well, they’re in BTS.
Are you suggesting that a genetic mutation is preordained?
No. What I’m saying is: the fact that our bodies can do all this stuff, and that there are little secret doors that you can control, and even repair, like what you and Alexander Hamilton can do, I think is too cool to just be a happy accident.
It’s hard for me to believe that there was just a bunch of gas somewhere that blew up and all of a sudden —
It seems like magic, to you, because you only just learned about it. It’s been happening for quite from time.
So Mr. Alexander figured all this out —
Speaking of singing, Taylor Swift does these three-hour concerts.
There’s a lot of singers, I’ve noticed, when it comes to the high note, they’ll just stick the mic out to the crowd and let them sing it.
But not Taylor. She will sing it.
I don’t dislike Taylor Swift. It’s just not super my jam.
Taylor Swift does use good vocal technique.
You should be able to sing for three hours straight if you use good vocal technique.
If, however, you are someone like Adele, who does not use good vocal technique —
She does not?
Why do you think she cancels tours and concerts all the time?
Adele, if you’re listening, please call Professor Noel.
Yeah, I’ll help you.
[Not convinced Noel is into it.] She’d give you money.
It’s too late, my friend.
There is so much more in the full chat. Click on the play button to hear it all.
Follow Noel on Twitter. Talking to you, Shohei.
You know who we’d go to the movies with in Westwood? Our Patreons.
When you stoke us, you’re saying — Tony get a tub of popcorn on me!
So shout out to our Patreons: Nancy Rommelmann, Shawn Atlow, Matt Mills, Sean Wallace, Greg n Molli, Jamie Taylor, Mark Johnson, Keira Anne, Barney Greinke, Ben Welch, Jen Adams, Trevor Wilson, Bree Wilde, Dougie Gyro, Kristina up North , Rob n Carrie, Adam Tschorn, Ben from Down Unda, Chris from ATX, Gregor and Philip!
Wanna support this fine podcast that brings you into every LA neighborhood? Go to patreon.com/hearinLA and give till it hurts.
Shout out to our Angel-enos!
Angelenos: #1 Ali Miller, #2 George Wright #3 Rita Joanne #4 Jason Sutter #5 Grant Haughton #6 Rob Baker #7 KevCheng #8 Brenda Garcia #9 John Griffiths #10 Lisa J. #11 The Plum Dahlia, #12 Shawn Atlow
Want to support us but it’s the holidays for crying out loud.
You can still help. Post your favorite episode on your facebook. OMG POST TWO. Tweet something nice about this. Any time you see me tweet about an episode, retweet it. And for god sake tell yr friends.
Tell them how Hear in LA is spelled and it’s on Apple Podcasts and Google and now every episode is on the YouTubes.
Music and music supervision by Jordan Katz.
Songs by Orgone and Jordan Katz.
Special thanks to Cindy for creating the logo
and Jen for inspiring this,
And Armand for encouraging Noel to come to Los Angeles to cure us all.
